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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231834">took some time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017'>sebastian2017</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peter Darling - Austin Chant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Disabled Character, Canon Trans Character, Family, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, Period Typical Attitudes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:59:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming back to the real world and growing up is more than just making a home with James and writing adventures instead of living them, Peter’s starting to realize. It’s also trying to leave behind the world a little nicer than it started. Even if that world is just the small realm of the Darling family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Hook | James Harrington/Peter Pan | Peter Darling (Peter Darling)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>took some time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>cw: internalized transphobia, internalized homophobia, accidental misgendering, alcohol, food</p><p>title is from the line 'took some time 'cause I ran out of energy, playing something I heard I'm supposed to be' from Habit by Louis Tomlinson</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/62OWXO20phfsOvXLZMV9r2?si=IXLmvDURS3WpXrnlXlndwQ">here's a playlist to listen to while reading this and other Peter Darling material, so you can sob with me! 
</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Peter had been awfully young when he'd decided the real world was too boring to inhabit. Clearly, because now that he's older and reconciling with adulthood, he's coming to realize that no amount of pirates or beasts will ever fill him with anywhere near the same amount of dread as when he sits down to write a letter to his family. He writes for a living and yet he can't bring himself to put together a few measly paragraphs. Something to let his family know that he's alive and well and will be living out his life as Peter, regardless of whether they approve or not. Nothing more, nothing too complicated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet here he is, surrounded by the scattered, balled up evidence of his previous attempts. He understands, in a way, why it's so hard. Why he keeps starting, finding the smallest of problems with every attempt, and throwing it all away. Understanding doesn't make it any less frustrating. He wishes the letters were pirates. Or perhaps some great, big beast. Something he can jab at with his blade and fight til the death. That would be much easier to deal with than this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, part of growing up is realizing that violence isn't the universal answer he once pretended it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James knows he's been struggling with writing something. He knows it's to do with Peter's family. He doesn't ask much more beyond that, only to check in periodically to see whether Peter wants tea or something to snack on. James has always been good about not asking too many questions. He's one of the only people in the whole world who understands what Peter's going through, trying to carve out a place for himself in this world after coming back from somewhere that quite literally shaped itself around Peter's every wish. If he'd known how difficult Neverland would make accepting reality when he finally caved in and grew up, would he have gone? Peter can't say for sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't understand why this is so difficult!' Peter snaps, at no one in particular. He scrunches up yet another attempt and flings it as far as he can. It collides with one of James' half finished paintings, though thankfully just bounces off without consequence. Even Peter in a bad mood like this would have been guilty to destroy his work. As he pulls out yet another fresh piece of paper, he continues, "It's just a stupid letter. I get paid to write. Why is this any different?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James is used to outbursts. He has to be to live with Peter. He just goes to him, crouching down and picking up discarded papers as he does. He sits down at the edge of Peter's desk and wraps his arms around him, pulling Peter into his chest and forcing him to forget the world for a moment. "You write fiction. You make up worlds and decide the ending. I'd imagine that's very different from putting something yourself out into the world and having no say over what happens." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The world is stupid," Peter grumbles, muffled against James' chest. He pulls away and looks up at him. 'Let's run away to Neverland again. I'll be a pirate this time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't mean that," James says and damn it all, Peter knows he's right. "They'll be happy to know you're alive, if nothing else. You don't have to say any more if you don't want to. Just... 'Hello, I'm alive and well. Best, Peter'. They deserve to know, love." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter sighs and pulls away from James to start attempt number fourteen. It's easier, somewhat, when he's been given permission to say so little. He ends up writing more without really meaning to. He tells them he's alive. That he's happy. That he's Peter and though he doesn't expect them to understand, he's going to live his life as himself even if it means he'll never see them again. That he misses them. That he wishes things were different. That he hopes they're all doing well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He signs it off Peter </span>
  <em>
    <span>Darling</span>
  </em>
  <span> after wrestling with himself for a while, because no matter how his family feels, they don't get to take his name away from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the letter is finally done, Peter doesn't let himself reread it. He knows if he does, he'd find a million imperfections and fall right back into the cycle of writing a sentence or two and then destroying it. He just folds it up, stuffs it in an envelope, jots down the address of a childhood home he once swore he never wanted to think about again, and passes it off to James to take to the post office in town, because he knows if left in his hands, he'd find some distraction or another to keep himself from ever sending it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter watches James walk off into town to send it and somewhere deep in his heart, he closes off that chapter in his life. There. He's done the adult thing and sent a letter he knows will get opened, sneered at, and tossed into a fire or ripped up. He can go back to trying to forget all about those years and he plans on it. He plans on losing himself in the cottage and the river and the woods and his stories and most of all, he plans on losing himself in James. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's the only real world he's ever been able to live in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Life resumes with its newfound normality after the letter is sent. They wake up in each other's arms when the sun starts streaming through the window, James paints, Peter writes, they go through their day without any sort of schedules or appointments. It's not exactly a life at sea or in a tree house, but James thinks it's lovely. Peter's had a harder time adjusting to life here, he knows, but James likes to think he's still content. He hopes. He's getting better at seeing through Peter's acts, but he's still somewhat of a mystery to James at times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's glad, in a moment of selfishness more fit for Pan, that the letter's been sent. They can move on. He might not know much about Peter's family in this world, but he knows enough to realize that Peter's probably better off without them and all their expectations. And yes, perhaps it is another moment of selfishness to want to keep Peter all for himself in their little cottage at the river bank, but it's a selfishness he thinks he's earned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the letter weeks behind them, James is just glad to move back into the world where he has no one to worry about except himself and Peter. No other Darlings to fret over, no one to give Peter nightmares of a charade he'd been forced to play, no one to bring Peter down from all his boyish fool's optimism. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least, that's what James had assumed. He should have known by now that even in the real world, life would rarely follow a set plan for the two men Neverland had shaped itself around for so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Peter rarely have visitors. A knock at the door is already reason enough to think something strange is afoot, though neither of them immediately jumps to suspicion. It could be mail or perhaps an overeager neighbor from town coming by for some reason. Peter's just about to wrap up a chapter he's spent a week working on, so James doesn't even bother asking him to get the door. He just puts aside his paints and brushes and goes down to open for their unexpected guest. Of everyone he might have expected, he'd never considered it could be a boy, beat up knapsack in hand and the spitting image of Peter as a boy, from all those years back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello! Is there a Peter Darling who lives here?" The boy grins up at him and James is sure that somewhere, the sun just rose on Neverland. He doesn't even need to ask, he's sure he knows who this boy is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James steps aside and ushers him inside. Peter might be upset with him for it later, but he'll be damned if he's rude to a Darling brother of all people. "Yes. He's just finishing something up. I suppose you're a brother? Peter! There's company over." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Company? What d'you mean?" Peter yells from the studio room and really, James is never going to believe that he grew up in a well-mannered, well-off family. He has manners like he really had grown up wild on an island full of fairies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He peeks out into the sitting room and another question stops short at his lips. Peter's eyes widen with disbelief, a tough task for someone who'd spent so long around fairies and pirates and beasts. The mysterious Darling sibling spots him over James' shoulder and nearly topples over the coffee table in his haste to run over. He yells out 'Peter!' so loud, James wouldn't be surprised if half the town showed up at their door to check if everything's all right here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter stands in shocked silence for a moment, before wrapping one arm around the other's waist and reaching up to pat down the boy's golden curls. The movements are stiff and awkward, like he's acting on half forgotten instinct. James is second guessing the decision to let the Darling brother in without any warning, but a watery laugh finally breaks through Peter's shock. He's smiling when he pulls away from the embrace and turns the boy to face James once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter claps his hand down on the boy's shoulder. "James, this is my baby brother, Michael. Michael, this is James Harrington. We're... housemates."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Very lovely to meet you, Mr. Harrington," Michael says. He steps closer to shake his hand properly and it's probably the first glimpse of Peter's alleged middle-class upbringing. "I apologize for running and yelling in your home. It's just been so long since I've seen Peter. I got a bit excited." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Quite all right. It's near impossible to live with Peter without getting used to unexpected excitement. How about I leave you two to catch up and make some tea for all of us?" James offers. Then he stops to think about the consequences of two caffeinated Darling boys in the house and adds, "Or perhaps some cocoa." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hot cocoa does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>take this long to make. Peter knows that for a fact because cocoa, tea, and coffee is how James always lures Peter away from his writing and back into polite society. And it never takes a full twenty minutes and counting to make. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter might not always think before he acts, but he's not actually stupid. He knows that James is lingering on purpose so he and Michael have some time to themselves. In theory, Peter knows to be grateful for that. In Neverland, Pan is a cocky, proud bastard who'd insert himself into just about any situation without a singular care in the world. Here in real life, Peter is a self conscious wreck most of the time, always sure that he's going to be caught in his masquerade and made an example of. Pan might have made a living pestering Hook at every chance, but here, Peter hides behind James an awful lot, seeking the safety of another's guaranteed masculinity and the comfort of James' easy acceptance of who he is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would have probably tried to hide behind James if they'd been left in the same room, even if it is just his brother he's meeting. But with James in the kitchen, once the initial rush of hugs and joy had subsided, they're just sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, drowning in the awkward silence. Peter wishes he had Pan's confidence. Pan would never have any trouble reconnecting with an estranged brother like this. Then again, Pan wouldn't be busy rethinking everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will his voice be too high when he speaks? When he sits like this, are his hips too wide? Does Michael suspect what he and James really are? Will he use that as evidence that Peter really is a girl, like everyone's said? Is he here to drag Peter back home, to don his costumes and go back to pretending to be Wendy Darling for the family's sake? Peter's defences are running high and he doesn't know who hates him more, himself or the world he was born in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least Michael seems to feel just as uncomfortable. He's wringing his hands and glancing at the kitchen doorway periodically, clearly waiting for James to come rescue them just like Peter is. when he finally breaks the silence, he keeps his gaze down at his lap. "I've missed you, Peter. I was very happy to receive your letter." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It says nothing of how the rest of the family reacted, Peter is painfully aware, and he knows better than to ask. "I missed you too, Michael. Though that doesn't explain why you travelled all the way up here. You could have written." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it obvious? I'm running away!" Michael exclaims. He says it with all the excitement he can muster, like it's some great big adventure and not a tragedy to walk away from his family like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then again, who's Peter to talk? He'd done the very same thing. Which... Is probably where Michael got the inspiration. "You're running away? And you decided that coming to live with me in the country was the best way to spend your time as a runaway?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't know where else to go." Michael shrugs. "I just... I hate being in that house, Peter. Father takes all the fun out of everything. He just wants me to be his perfect little soldier to show off to all his friends. Don't make me go back. Please. Just... Let me stay with you? I could be a wonderful house guest. I can cook and hunt and fish and clean and I won't be a bother and I'm sure I could find work, too. Please, Peter." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter had already suspected that James was lingering in the kitchen, eavesdropping and waiting for the right moment to interrupt. That suspicion is all but confirmed when, before Peter even has a chance to awkwardly reply to Michael's pleading, James bursts back into the living room, balancing a tray of hot chocolate on his forearm. He looks very chipper. Suspiciously so. Peter scowls at him so James knows he's onto his game, even though he secretly is infinitely grateful to have been saved from having to come up with an answer for Michael on the spot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Here we are. Hot chocolate for everyone. I even found some leftover biscuits from yesterday. I hope that's all right, Michael?" James asks, putting everything down on the table between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course, Mr. Harrington! Thank you very much. And thank you for looking after Peter. Everyone was worried sick all the time she-" Michael catches himself quickly and at least has the decency to look sheepish. "All the time he was gone."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I look after myself, Michael," Peter snaps. He glares down at his mug for a second before standing up and going to pour some of James' expensive dark rum in it. He's leaning into the whole adulthood thing. That's something he can do now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. Sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant... I don't know what I meant, Peter. I'm just glad you're not lonely," Michael corrects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter shouldn't get angry like this. Michael's still young. Peter can't say for sure how old, but he's a teenager, no doubt. Fourteen, maybe? Fifteen? Time flows so differently in Neverland, combined with the many years Peter spent drifting through this world in an attempt to force himself to be someone he's not. Even when he sits down with newspapers and calendars, he can't quite figure it all out. Just another casualty of Neverland. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he is sure of, Neverland induced confusion or not, is that Michael is at an age where even well raised boys stumble and fall and never think their words through. How long had Peter spent in a similar age? And when Peter had misspoken and said hurtful things, they had rarely been accidents. No, Peter had always brandished his words like another blade to wage war. His brother being confused over things Peter doesn't even understand is hardly reason for Peter to let his anger fester and turn into something ugly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, of course, just like Hook sometimes lingers in James, Pan lingers in him, too, and brings out these worse moments of himself. He drinks far too much spiked cocoa in one sip, ignoring how it burns his tongue, and scowls in Michael's general direction. "Is that the reason you came, Michael? To make sure there's a man looking after your precious sister's well being? To find somewhere to stay because mean, old Father is forcing you to be a man? Did you ever stop to ponder, perhaps, all that I would have given for a chance to have Father pester me over ties and exams the way he did you and John?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't mean it like that and you know it, Peter!" Michael snaps back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James shoots up quickly and stands between them, arms outstretched like he's taming beasts on the island. "That's quite enough for now, I think. Peter, perhaps you should go take a breath and calm down." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's not really a suggestion, Peter knows. James is always good about calling Peter out when his mood sours and he starts acting like the brat Pan was. He's not afraid of Peter lashing out when he's called out either. It's hard to be afraid of a few nasty words when he's been on the receiving end of Peter's blade, he supposes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter at least has enough sense to know he's right. He huffs and scowls the entire time, but he sets his mug down, picks up his coat, and stalks out to walk by the river until he calms down. Behind him, he can hear James and Michael murmuring to each other, but he tries to ignore it. He tries to ignore everything that isn't just the sound of the river and the trees around him. James and Michael will be there when he comes back. He can do this. He can be Peter even when the world wants him to be Wendy and his heart wants to be Pan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James lingers a moment at the window, watching Peter walk off. He kicks a few rocks as he goes, because of course he does. James bites back a sigh. He wouldn't trade Peter for anything, but by God is it sometimes a tremendous effort to love him. He turns back around once he's sure Peter isn't going to turn around and storm back in. Michael is still sitting on the couch, looking awfully pale and uneasy. If James had to guess, he'd say Michael is probably more used to dealing with the Peter who was too exhausted from playing make believe for the world to preserve much of his fiery spirit. Peter's firecracker side can be a bit much to deal with the first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He'll be back with his tail between his legs and an apology," James promises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think?" Michael asks, glancing nervously at the window. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I know he's my brother. I don't really understand it, but... I don't think I have to. It's just difficult sometimes. We don't... We don't really talk much about him at home anymore. It makes Mother too sad. But when we do, I always get scolded if I call him Peter or 'he' and... I get in enough trouble as it is. I slip up with Mother and Father sometimes, too, and say 'he'. I'd tell him, but I don't think he'd be very happy to hear about Mother and Father still acting like they have a daughter." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James sighs and agrees, "No, he probably wouldn't. It's all right. I don't think he's really upset. He just has a nasty temper and a short fuse. He'll have more patience to talk when he comes back." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I hope so." Michael sighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James very much doesn't want to have a third person living here, certainly not a young boy, and he's not necessarily a fan of having someone drop by his home so unexpectedly. But Michael looks so very much like the Peter he knew once upon a time, it's difficult for James to simply not care. Just like he couldn't leave Neverland without Peter, he can't just leave this younger, lost version of Peter to fend for himself. James nudges the biscuits closer to Michael before sitting down, because fretting over young people not eating enough is apparently something that everyone starts to do after a certain age. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It won't do you much good to think too much about it right now. Eat something while we wait for him to come back. I'm sure you had a long trip from London," James says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was so eager to get away, I hardly noticed it." Michael shrugs. He reaches for the tray regardless and as he does, his gaze falls down on James' missing hand, where the arm ends at the wrist. His eyes widen, like he's seeing for the very first time. "Mr. Harrington? Would you think me very childish if I asked whether Peter </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>chopped your hand off and fed it to a crocodile?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James barks out a laugh. He knew that Peter had often entertained his siblings with the same fanciful stories he'd tell his Lost Boys, but he hadn't known it was quite so similar. "Wouldn't you like to know, hmm? You'll have to ask your brother when he comes back." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's probably not the right answer if they're hoping to get Michael back home soon, judging by how excited he looks, but oh well. If he could survive Neverland, he can survive convincing an angst-ridden teenager to go back home. Just in case, though, he excuses himself to the kitchen so he can start working on dinner for three tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peter's not sure how long he's gone. Even the time he's living through has felt odd since coming back from Neverland. He just knows he was gone just long enough. His head no longer feels like it's about to burst and there isn't anger pouring out of his every being anymore. He can't promise things won't get any messier when he goes back to Michael - after all, what is he if not a lit fuse waiting to explode at all times? - but at least they can get a chance to start over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Peter walks back into his and James' little cottage, he stops to take a deep breath and reminds himself that his brother isn't the enemy here and he has no reason to lash out to him like this. From the smell, it seems dinner's already on the table. He can hear a muffled laughter and conversation between James and his brother, as well, and all his progress in calming down is nearly lost from the intrusive, paranoid thoughts that try to take over and tell him they're talking about him, laughing at the crazy Darling sibling who thought she was a boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no. Peter knows that James would never think any of that, let alone say it. He can have a conversation with his brother without letting the ugly parts of himself take over. He knows he can. When Peter walks into the kitchen, Michael grins at him and jumps up from his chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Peter!" he exclaims. "Is Neverland </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Did you really feed James' hand to a crocodile?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter glances at James, who just shrugs. They don't talk about Neverland with anyone, but then again, no one has ever had any reason to even suspect such a place exists. Peter doesn't even know how to answer a question like that, so he just puffs his chest out the way Pan would. "Would I lie to you, baby brother?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael laughs. "That's so cool. I can't believe Neverland is real! Do you still go there, Peter? Could you take me? Maybe I don't have to come live here with you! Maybe I could just live in Neverland." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Michael..." Peter sighs. What an unpleasant reminder as to why his brother is really here. "Take it from me. Running away from the world doesn't make it disappear." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't, but... at least I wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm perfectly fine with the world going on without my interference," Michael says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't understand why you want to run away. I know Father can be strict, but he's trying to give you and John a good future." Peter hopes he doesn't sound like as much of a hypocrite as he feels, but he knows his chances are startlingly low. "What's the problem? Is he asking you to study more? To work at the bank with him over the summer? Surely you can grit your teeth and bear it. That's hardly worth running away for, Michael." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not as simple as school, Peter! I came here because I thought you of all people would understand. Don't tell me running away isn't worth it, because it's the same thing you did. You live up here in the country, away from everyone so you can be Peter and live with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>housemate</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Michael stretches the word out, so that it's obvious to all of them that Michael knows they're not simply living together for the sake of expenses or convenience. And then just as quickly as the fire had been lit in him, it burns out, and Michael just slumps in his chair with a weary sigh. "I can't be the kind of man Father wants me to be, Peter. I just can't." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Michael." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If only this were Neverland, where the whole island would simply change itself so the Darling boys could live anyway at all. If only their father weren't a man of norm and tradition. If only they could have been born some other way, some other time, some other family. And if only Peter really had all the answers, the way Michael seems to think he does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter looks up at James for help, but James just looks as sad as Peter feels. All the same sadness without a layer of angry armor to protect himself. James ran away from this world, too. It's easy for Peter to forget that at times. It escapes him sometimes, how James also struggled to fit in this world, because Peter can look at him and see a normal man. Any perversions James might carry in him are hidden away inside. Not like Peter, who earns himself second glances and whispered judgements half the times he goes out in public. But James had to live with a world that didn't want him, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not unlike Michael, apparently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter's tempted to hand this off to James. Simply have James substitute him as a brotherly figure for a moment, give Michael some much needed advice, and keep him here in the real world, much like he did to bring Peter back here. But that would be the easy way out, wouldn't it? Pan always loved challenges, things to keep life exciting. Maybe this could be one of those challenges. He can be to Michael what James was for him once. Or, at least, he can try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He brings his chair closer to Michael's and puts a hand on his shoulder. "The truth of it is that no one is the type of man Father would want. Not even Father is the type of man he wants to be. It's all but impossible to be that man. And of course it's frustrating, but eventually, you'll have to learn how to carve out the type of man you'd like to be in this world and ignore Father's huffing and puffing. It won't be perfect - it won't be anywhere near that, probably - but you have to go back eventually, Michael." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't. Not really," Michael mumbles, frowning down at his lap to avoid meeting Peter's gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. I didn't," Peter agrees. "So trust me when I say that having to choose between your sanity and your family is the worst place to be. You're not quite there yet. You'll be on your own in a few years. You'll have more freedom then. Until then... I think you should go back, Michael." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I suppose Mother would be terribly sad if I never went back..." He sighs. "Can we write to each other, at least? And perhaps I could come visit every once in a while. Or you could come visit London! I bet.. I bet Mother wouldn't even care. I think she'd just be happy to see you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll think about it," Peter promises, even though his heart is all but made up already. He stands up and ruffles Michael's hair fondly. "Eat your dinner. You can stay a night or two, but we're putting you on a train back to London soon enough and I don't want Mother showing up at my doorstep to scold me for sending you back too skinny." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James has had enough excitement for a few months, he thinks. He's exhausted and it was only some family drama. Not even his own family! How he'd survived the excitement of never ending piracy in Neverland, he'll never know. Peter's still outside talking to his brother, but James had long since retired to their bedroom for a quiet evening of reading. Out in the living room, he hears Peter bid his brother a good night and catches the last snippets of conversation before Peter comes back to bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Will you tell me a story, Peter? Like when we were kids?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Perhaps in the morning. I charge for those now, you know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure, but I pay in inspiration. Who else are you going to act everything out with, after all? Unless you've gotten too </span>
  <em>
    <span>old</span>
  </em>
  <span>..." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ha! You wish, Michael. I'll still beat you to a pulp during our games if you get too mouthy. If you're lucky, I'll even let you be a pirate tomorrow. But only if you quiet down and let me sleep." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Won't hear a peep out of me, Peter! Good night!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter comes into the room then and James does an unconvincing job of pretending that he'd been reading and not listening in on the Darlings' conversation. Peter doesn't seem to care much, though. He just shoves the book aside so he can push James to lie down and kiss him fiercely. James is more than happy to kiss him back and rest his hands on Peter's hips as he straddles him. He's the responsible one between them, but even he can see the appeal of losing oneself among kisses for a while. He only puts a stop to it once Peter's lips find their way down to James' neck and his hands wander up the edges of James' shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Stop it, you fiend," James scolds. Try as he might, he can't seem to shake the loving tone that clings to his voice, even while telling Peter off. "I shan't make love to you while your brother sleeps on our sofa a room away. Even a man like me has to draw the line somewhere." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter sighs and moves to lay down next to him instead. One of his hands stays at James' hip, though, rubbing lazy circles there with his thumb and James simply isn't strong enough to put that to a stop as well. "Damn. I should have insisted he sleep out in a tree somewhere." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can pretend all you like, Peter, but I'm afraid it's too late. In the last twelve hours, I've seen you calm yourself down from one of those foul Pan moods </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>hand out some rather mature advice to your brother. One might even say you're all grown up," James teases. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ugh! Please don't say those words ever again," Peter complains, wrinkling his nose. He's had to go through the motions of adulthood, but actually saying it out loud is discouraged in the household. "Do you think I did all right, though? I just... honestly, it all caught me off guard. I'd made peace with never seeing my family again and here shows up one of them, wanting to stay here. I love Michael and he's all right about everything, but I like our little corner of the world all by ourselves. It's the only way I put up with the rest of it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know. I think you handled it quite well. You've changed a lot since you were that boy hiding from the world in Neverland," James says, wrapping an arm around Peter and pulling him in close to his chest. "Michael will get there as well. He'll do spectacularly with a brother like you. As for the details, we'll just have to iron them out tomorrow. Right now, though, I would love to get some sleep. I'm going to need all the rest I can get to handle both of you in the house tomorrow." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter snorts out a laugh. "God help you if Michael visits regularly like he intends to." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"God help me, indeed." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That, however, will have to be a problem for another time. For now, James is simply happy to worry only about keeping his arm tightly wound around his Darling and falling asleep to the sound of Peter breathing. The real world isn't perfect and he'll even admit to missing Neverland on occasion, but by God, if there's a moment more perfect than ending every night together in the home they've carved out, then James hasn't found it yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything else? It'll just have to work itself out.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>finished reading Peter Darling two days ago and wow I can't wait to spend the rest of my life obsessed over this book and this ship!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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